A shrine to frozen time
by T9-Mainsequence
Summary: One-shot. Set in Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair. A series of scenes detailing Hiyoko's slow attempts to deal with the death of her friend. Technically no spoilers past the third investigation.


Five

The massive door of the library slammed shut with a crash. Hiyoko fell to her knees coughed, inhaling deep breaths to calm her thundering heart.

The silence in the library was gave her hope. The body discovery announcement bell had not rung. She had crossed the bridge and gotten back to the hotel in under twenty minutes, and with her lungs burning like hot coals against her insides not a single thing could be heard. There wasn't any indication that what she had seen in that beach house was…

"..._real_." She squeaked the word out, her body curling up into a ball. She laid on her side, and stared through scrunched eyes at the lit floor. There was no hope, none at all-no chance that Mahiru was up, walking around looking for her. No chance she would walk through that door and make everything right.

The light fell through the dust of the disused library like crepuscular rays, as though she were in a church. She shut her eyes, and felt the tears dripping out onto her already wet cheeks. Between the two ruined statues of Monomi, Hiyoko uncurled, splayed herself.

She just wished that the stupid fucking feeling would go away. She believed that Mahiru was alive, but Hiyoko knew that Mahiru was dead-both ideas ground away at her soul.

Grasping her twin tails, she pulled them to cover her head.

She knew that people were going to the beach today-that was why she had run in the first place. And it was why she had been careful to go away from the central island. Now she was here, in this graveyard of knowledge, surrounded by idiots and murderers on this empty island in the middle of an endless sea going on forever and ever-

And the coldness of the library could not hope to compete with the frigid loneliness she felt.

The epitome of that loneliness–the sight of Mahiru's body slumped over in tensed sleep–had been quietly burned into her mind's eye.

She whimpered into her chest. "Ma...hiru-Mahiru, _Mahiru. No-no..._"

What could she have done?

"What..." She said aloud. Another whimper ran through her like a phantom pain.

Standing over Mahiru, maybe if Hiyoko hadn't run away-Mahiru might not have been completely dead. Maybe if she had just dragged the body out to the pharmacy, and ran to get the slutty nurse and-and-

Hiyoko wailed. She tore at her face and stretched her hair until it burned.

Demons slipped into her mind, self-doubt and loathing whispered and stoked the growing feeling of emptiness, as though Hiyoko were somehow responsible for Mahiru. Like she was an accomplice in the murder of her best friend. Her stupidity. Her negligence. All of it coming together to assure Mahiru's passing.

_Maybe I just didn't care. Maybe I really am just a psychopath._

Hiyoko remembered times during elementary school when she had been called those things. When other kids had found that she liked squishing bugs, they had called her names, whispered about her. She'd called them idiots right back, and ignored them.

But without anything to stop her mind from completing the pattern, her lack of caring could be construed as one of the reasons that Mahiru was dead. Because Hiyoko didn't actually care about Mahiru, was terrified for her own well-being instead of trying to reverse the irreversible.

The air felt heavy, and she could feel a crossroads ahead, where she could get up, go on, survive the trial and turn the murderer into a puddle or… she could fall asleep. Let it all go.

She didn't know what the latter option meant. She didn't want to know what it meant. She knew what it meant.

Just then, like the most normal, mundane thing in the world, like an elevator arriving on a floor to deliver its occupants, the bell chimed.

Hiyoko turned her head back to the ground and cried anew.

* * *

Five

Hiyoko hadn't kept track of what exactly was happening in the mob of puppets. It was impossible. Their crowd blocked out any lines of sight, and that idiot Fuyuhiko or Peko could have been anywhere.

For a whole minute, there was nothing but the sound of puppets moving forward, and the quiet thumps of their deaths. The air couldn't have been thicker.

The thumps of dead puppets stopped.

At the center of the crowd, a circle of puppets raised their swords over their heads. Someone screamed, and it wasn't Peko. The rest of her class rushed forward and tried to go up the escalator to the beach, but something kept them back.

A cacophony, swords screeching against each other as they struck at their lone target.

It all felt so distant. She watched as the despair set into the idiots that tried to save those two doomed murderers.

How was she supposed to feel? The desperate wails and screams of anger from everyone else, contrasted with her own dull nonreaction, brought up the thought again: was this right of her?

Was she just a soulless killer of small animals that couldn't feel it, what everyone else around her felt?

But Mahiru! Hiyoko leaned her head back against the wall. She cared about Mahiru! Maybe Hiyoko still wasn't the nicest person ever, but she could appreciate the good in some others!

A cold shiver ran down her spine as the puppet soldiers withdrew from their prey.

There was no way in hell that she was like those things.

Off in the background, Nagito was speaking, laughing. It was a horrendous, high rustling sound.

She jerked. Hiyoko walked away from the wall.

"What an asshole..." she mumbled to herself. No-no she wasn't that crazy, at the very least.

But-

"Fuyuhiko is alive!"

That damned rabbbit was shouting something inane. There was no way that Kuzuryuu hadn't died. And even then-how the hell could Monomi see from the bodies from so far away?

Yet... some strange sense of anger swelled in her. It didn't make sense to be angry. There was no reason if Kuzuryuu was dead.

If he were dead, then her anger would be sated. And he was dead! So she wasn't going to be angry!

Hiyoko had the sudden urge to walk forward, to go up the escalator and check. She stopped herself before she did something so absurd and pointless.

Whatever had been keeping the class from rushing to Kuzuryuu lifted, and everyone flew up the escalator to him. She could see them crowding around something.

Nagito was letting himself be taken up the escalator at its own speed.

Alone, but for Monokuma.

Hell no.

Hiyoko finally left the chamber and followed after Nagito.

"Hiyoko!" From above her, the Thing was talking to her. She ignored it.

"You're coming too, huh? What unbelievable Hope you have! Even though it's Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama-the ones that killed Mahiru-you're already-"

Something roared in her ears.

"Shut up! Shut up! Go kill yourself you lunatic!" Hiyoko screeched and began walking back down the steps to get away from the words-from Nagito.

"Oh, I'm sorry Hiyoko! Trash like me... I forgot my place."

Having said that, he did actually shut up. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Hiyoko had plastered her hands to the sides of her head to keep from hearing anything else.

When she finally got to the top of the escalator, she ran over to the crowd. Mikan had torn off a piece of cloth from her apron and was staunching the blood flow from the scar running along Kuzuryuu's face.

They were all murmuring frantically.

Hiyoko felt so out of place.

"What else can we do?!"

"Do we have painkillers anywhere? Can somone run to the pharmacy?!"

"Guys, guys, give Mikan space, and... Hiyoko! Can you tear some of your dress for us?" She saw Hajime standing off to the side, talking to her. Saying words she couldn't comprehend.

She almost choked.

For him? For Kuzuryuu? After what he did?

Her favorite kimono-no! It was her only possession!

The world swirled. A deep pressure laid itself all over her body, and she couldn't think straight. Images flashed through her mind.

Kuzuryuu. A bat in hand.

Peko. Standing over a fallen form.

Then Mahiru. Dead.

Her body seemed to groan like an old house that had lost its foundation. There was a contradiction in what she wanted, and she couldn't make it go away.

Avenging Mahiru, or channelling Mahiru. Killing her murderer, or doing what Mahiru would tell her to do-

forgive

Beyond all that wool between herself and the world, she heard a voice. It was too loud.

"You fucktard, I'm not strong enough. Get Nidai to do it."

"Nidai! Come over here and help us!" Hajime cried, and brought the hulking man over to her.

She felt herself stand with her feet apart. There was sharp tug, a tearing sound, and another piece of cloth was added to Kuzuryuu's wounds.

Hiyoko stared.

The fuss and din didn't quiet, but Hiyoko was in a daze, and the world felt like it was behind a glass pane.

What had she been thinking? What had she! been thinking? What had she been thinking?

If Hiyoko had thought that choosing one or the other would alleviate all the pressure, she had been dead wrong. There was no more tension, but some sense of finality had drifted through her being and she couldn't untether it.

This was her chosen path?

Monokuma was suddenly there in the middle of the crowd.

"Shove off! Get outta here! Dr. Killgood is here to save the day!"

"What?" She murmured quietly.

Without preamble, an ambulence flew down the road and onto the beach. Its doors opened, and there went any chances of her vengance.

...it had been a halfhearted idea anyway.

(She hoped.)

* * *

Four

Little flames danced in the quiet room as the sun rose. It had been a long, loud night of sadness and desperation. Hiyoko had found and killed a cow. It hadn't been easy, like the squish-squish, but she had been so distraught and it had just felt like something that might calm her down, make her feel less empty but it hadn't and she just-

She sobbed quietly, a single time, and then took a deep breath to keep more from coming.

Hiyoko placed one candle after the other, meticulously adjusting the sticks until they were perfectly aligned. The dripping of wax was collected into small bowls at the base of the sticks so that the flowers beneath would not be damaged. And the flowers had been no easy task to gather either. It had taken her hours to choose and move all of them to the hotel restaurant.

She'd had all night, she supposed, but how was she supposed to kill a cow, find candles, incense…

Another candle's wick was cut short, but it was bent. Hiyoko wanted it to be perfect. Pristine. Untouched. A shrine worthy of…

Those crystallisations of Mahiru's soul, the only ones still left. Her photos.

So she bent the wick back to a straight line. Or at least, she tried. In the end the wick kept going too far or to the side. Normally she might have thrown the damn thing at a wall—causing her so much trouble and all—but Hiyoko didn't want to look that way in front of Mahiru's shrine.

The photos were still in Mahiru's cottage, she definitely needed to go get them at some point—they were the centerpiece after all.

She was finished with the candles. One or two wicks askew, but otherwise fine. Perfectly measured heights for every stick.

…

...Well, time to work on the flowers.

Hiyoko dragged the vines over and found an end. She extricated the whole vine, and then began weaving it around the candles.

She sniffed.

Time went by lazily, and she could feel herself wavering every so often as though she were about to fall asleep! That was not allowed. She needed to make this. She needed this.

Hiyoko sighed and took a step back.

It looked nice—the skulls did a good job making cool shadows. The vines would look cool with the light flickering on them, and the flowers would look even better since they'd be reflective!

Hiyoko took a step back and observed her work from a different angle. She allowed herself a small smile. It was good, what she had done here. She was sure–sure that–Mahiru would approve.

With the slightest, airiest wave of her head, she turned to look out at the brightening horizon.

The night had been terribly cold. She had found a jacket at the market to help her as she walked around the island, but it still didn't take the bite out of the ocean scent.

At some point early in the morning, on one of her many trips out to grab something else she needed for the shrine, Monokuma must have shown up to place all the food on the tables. She didn't remember very clearly, it had been strange, she knew, how little time she had taken to get back and the amount of food that was placed, but…

Well, she wasn't going to think about it. It was a waste of time to think about every weird thing that Monokuma did.

With a hitch, Hiyoko turned back. It was finally time to add the photos, there was no more room for hesitation.

With no small amount of reverence, Hiyoko picked up the small stack of face-down photos that she had taken from Mahiru's room and began clipping them all over the black board.

It was more difficult than she was used to, she couldn't see the photos very well, but she knew the order of the photos and grouped them very simply together. This was the one part of the shrine she was unsure of, since she wanted to make it look like Mahiru had been the one to put the photos up. Of course, Hiyoko was no photographer, had never done anything like preparing a gallery...

When she was finally done, Hiyoko let out a sigh of relief.

It looked good.

Some small weight seemed to lift in her chest. She smiled.

It wasn't nearly enough to make up to Mahiru. Nothing would _ever-_she clenched her fist-_be enough._

But it was a step forward. A good one for Hiyoko.

...and now it was time to go find a camera from the Supermarket, and try taking some photos of squished ants. Or maybe a mountain or two. Who knew?

The world was opening up a little. Not shining, but brighter.

* * *

Four

Pieces of scrap and old computers were strewn all over the ground. All around her blank screens and concrete seemed to cringe and sway from the heat.

The sun had always been unusually kind on the previous islands. But it was on _this _island in particular that its warming nature turned to drying, exhausting beams. Everything seemed brighter, and Hiyoko couldn't tell why.

Maybe it was because she hadn't gotten any sleep the night previous, having constructed that shrine over the course of the whole night. She hadn't been paying as much attention during the morning after her aforementioned shrine was threatened with destruction once, and then almost _destroyed _from a different set of people.

One thing after another after another after another… she had just broken down in front of those-_losers!_ She felt ashamed, then and now that she had ever lost control so completely.

And while sleep might have been the natural thing for her to do, Hiyoko knew what that road led to. She was not looking forward to the nightmares, and if she could stave them off for a little while longer, she would absolutely take her newfound energy for that purpose.

Luck was on her side, it seemed, and not a beat after she had resolved to take up photography, the third island had opened with a whole alleyway dedicated to electronics. Where else to put energy toward, if not the art that had been-_destroyed_ with Mahiru's passing.

Standing there in the middle of it all, Hiyoko had no idea where to start looking. There was no rhyme or rhythm to the organization of everything here, and most of it was bathed in the sun's wrath.

So, she decided wryly, that she would check everything that was in shadow first. Everything in the buildings too.

Keeping to the walls opposite the computers, she went began to pick at the piles of scrap to see if there was anything worthwhile. Bins and countertops and back rooms were more higher-priority targets, and she searched them first as she came to them.

Occasionally, she rested her head against the cool walls of some building.

Slowly, Hiyoko worked her way through the alley. Just as the shadows were starting to lengthen again, she heard a telltale squeak.

"You there! Scavenger of this lowly realm, if you value your life, take leave of this place! I've laid claim to this small enclave of space, and wish for peace from your ilk."

There standing at one end of the alleyway, Gundham _fucking _Tanaka stood wearing his squishy hamsters.

"Should you allow your presence to provoke me any more than your pathetic existence has, I shall let you feel the thousand winds of annihilation for that insult!"

Hiyoko was unimpressed, she had come to know that the boy was nothing but bluster. What were four hamsters going to do to her?

"Aren't we a little riled up than usual today, Mr. Gundam. From using your little cocksleeves too much? Isn't that right?" God her insults were primitive. At least the bite still came through.

Gundam roared. "_You dare insult the Four Dark Devas of Destruction with your base insults? _Your aspersions have earned you the ire of the Lord of Ice, you have yet escaped my notice for too long-but no more!"

With a flair of his bandaged hand, two of his four hamsters rode to the end of it. Gundam looked poised to fight, his scarf trailing behind him with invisible wind.

At another time, Hiyoko might have given him credit-he was a remarkably good actor after all. Maybe if he hadn't insulted her shrine. Maybe if he hadn't been so stupid during the trial. Maybe if she had gotten more sleep-

"How about you go fuck yourself? There's no kibble, or rubbing lotion, and I'm busy here. But hey, the supermarket has both! And I'm sure you wouldn't be seen jacking off since everyone's here, being useful, investigating the island while you're _screaming insanity to animals_!"

Hiyoko had no energy for this kind of thing. No patience. Even the will to insult him was gone, the previous comment about beastiality was just reflexive.

Hiyoko just wanted him to go away, and with a sigh, she went back to what she was doing.

"You know no bounds, do you, cretin? Before you stands the Ultimate Weapon and yet you turn your back after a forcing such lowly notions upon myself and my friends. I would almost pity your stupidity if I didn't mark it for emptiness. And even then I pity you for your emptiness."

Hiyoko stopped.

"What the hell did you just say to me?"

"You are not without ears. And you have already wasted my time with your loathsome comments. I refuse to suffer your indignation."

Hiyoko wasn't even given a chance to respond, when Gundam spoke quietly.

"Hiyoko Saionji." It was said in something approaching a normal tone of voice. "I too, will spare you my grandest form, and instead ask if there is anything you find yourself wanting to say. Being an individual imbued with sagacity of many lives taken on and shed, I might have advice to offer."

He was standing upright, all of his hamsters stood on his shoulders.

He looked somber, and she had no clue just what the hell to make of all this.

"...Are you trying to make me feel better, you're doing a real bang-up job, sport." She said finally.

"...Do not mistake me. You are but a mere human child, and I eclipse your power by many suns' worth. Along all dimensions of reality, you are not but a speck, unworthy of my time. However, even I know that young ones such as yourself should not be up and about after a friend has been lost."

She stormed up to him, heedless of his apparent kindness.

"Cut the shit and tell me what you're trying to say! I don't speak stupid animal!"

Gundham lowered his stance.

"..." He turned away.

"What, cat got your tongue?" Hiyko grasped the sleeves of her kimono and raised them in fists.

Still silent, a small cat peered out from behind his leg.

"...this little one is yours."

...

...

...

"...What? Huh?" Hiyoko wore a mask of disbelief.

"I will not stoop to the level of that monster among us and claim that there is a good to be found in your Mahiru's death." Gundham said.

She felt her spine straighten again. She was being jerked around.

"However, there are friends all around you." He indicated to the cat. "Some harder to find than others."

The cat slowly began to walk toward her.

Why?

She hurt-animals.

Why was he-

Why was he doing this?

"Why are you trusting me?" She whispered.

"You will not allow any harm to come to your familiar. I trust this. I have already sensed your will to reform through your divine shroud to Mahriu. I believe that you, as well as Fuyuhiko, should be given a second chance."

A tight ball in her stomach formed and pulled at her insides.

"Shut-" She couldn't finish. She was too busy looking at the cat.

The cat made it to her.

"Why him?" She asked in a small voice. "Why?"

"Why Fuyuhiko?" Gundham's voice took on an impatient edge.

She nodded.

"He was not guided by a rotting soul in the first place. It is just that simple."

She picked up the cat, and it didn't run from her.

"...Thank you."

Gundham nodded. "I will leave you to it..."

He turned to her, a glint in his eye. "Never forget my infinite kindness, for if you had not been in the presence of Gundham Tanaka, the Lord of Ice, Conqueror of Worlds, you would truly have been forsaken!"

With a bellowing laugh, he strode away. Leaving Hiyoko alone with her cat. (Though it seemed like the cat wanted to follow after its previous owner.)

Still rubbing the head of the cat, she leaned against the wall. Maybe an unplanned break from her search wasn't so bad after all.

Even after the day had ended, she had still not decided what to do about Fuyuhiko.

* * *

Three

Hiyoko stood incredulous.

Fuyuhiko had slit his own stomach. She had just watched with everyone. No one had reacted at first because, obviously they hadn't realized to what insane heights he had been driven.

So now, for the second time in three consecutive days, he had been sent off to the hospital.

"What the _fuck?_" She hissed. She grabbed her pigtails and twisted them.

Her little cat was stalking around the chair legs, seeking affection among their hard surfaces. Hiyoko hadn't named it yet, but had found out from Gundham how to feed it and take care of it. She'd played with it. Found some feathers, a laser pointer-

Hiyoko liked her cat.

What she didn't like so much was Fuyuhiko. Why-why why _why did he have to be so confusing? _She didn't understand whether to hate him or not!

Obviously his slit stomach was nothing.

A cold ironclad fury burned inside of her.

It would not bring Mahiru back.

She let go of her pigtails.

...But he was trying! She had to at least give him that! It didn't make it okay, Hiyoko still hated the little man for what she'd done to-

"Mahiru..." She exhaled the name like it was her ghost leaving her body. She felt lighter for some reason.

She wouldn't be satisfied though. It wasn't enough.

"It seriously isn't enough!" She said to no one.

Her cat rubbed against her, and she smiled and picked it up, letting it purr into her kimono.

There was a chance, however, that she would forgive him. She suspected that eventually, if he kept trying, he would.

And with that thought, she let all her icy unhappiness out in another sigh.

God, she needed Mikan to be here. At least there was one person still dumber than Hiyoko on this island.

She pushed the cat into her face.

"I wish I could forgive him..."

* * *

Zero

Hiyoko stood before the door to…

She did a double-take at the name, and shook her head. Sighing at 'Titty Typhoon' she gathered the pieces of herself and found that she was ready for her greatest trial yet: putting on her kimono.

Her first real step to adulthood. To becoming more like Mahiru. What was the saying she'd always heard? 'Take care of yourself before you take care of others?'

Something like that drove her to self-improvement. It was all well-and-good to want to take on a new talent like photography, but if she really wanted to be Mahiru she would need the reliability. The love-

The forgiveness.

And she wasn't ready for that.

(In the back of her mind, she knew that Fuyuhiko wasn't ready to be forgiven quite yet either.)

But this was the first step. A baby step, literally.

All those thoughts and feelings bubbled on the surface as she opened the door and stepped inside.


End file.
